The Joys of a Heat Wave and an Old House

Before reading on, this is my disclaimer. I l_o_v_e the sun. I can't stand it when people complain abt the rain and then say it's too hot when the sun fiiiiiiinally shows its sweet, sweet face. If after reading this you think that's what I've done, you've misunderstood. I hope this weather sticks around, I think it's great. Now, read on...
So in case you hadn't noticed, (haha, biggest sarcasm sign ever) it is HOT(!!!!!!!!!!) these days!

The real problemo: this poor lil house o' mine doesn't know what to do with it. It's horrible. The heat's great, the temperature of the house, almost an emergency. In fact, it makes a person (and her hubs, and her dog) feel ill, but it's still cooler than being outside so atleast there's some relief to speak of.
After growing up "Mom style," I thought that any house, in the Northwest atleast, could be remedied by flinging windows open and allowing crisp, cool air to seep in all night long. You'd go to bed toasty but with a slight breeze on your skin and "Wa-La!" wake up in a cool bedroom ready to bring on a new day.
False! This house is incapable. It insists on soaking up heat at a rate that could be impressive if it weren't so uncomfortable. And the windows, oh the windows! They're totally disfunctional. (Now Brian, I'm not complaining, I remember it was all me that wanted an old house...I'm simply stating the "thrills" that come with it. ;) There are a total of three windows that have fully functional screens, the rest are nowhere to be found or ripped so wide a raccoon could fit through. And we do have a coon family in the neighborhood, so that's a real concern. There is one window that holds itself up, the rest when opened require a spare paint can, a picture frame...etc to keep from sliding squeekily back down into closed position. If I'd known that my momma's method wouldn't prove trusty in this crazy little house of mine, I would have never asked the hubs to help me take out the window AC unit despite how trashy it looked AND how much of the outdoors came indoors through the cracks surrounding it.
I have today off so I told Brian that by the time he gets home I might seriously need him to help me escape! Perhaps Costco and/or Walmart could do a sufficient job of cooling me down?
Today, in addition to all the so-called "normal" things, I plan to do the following....
---I'll go everywhere with my much-loved Iced Venti, double-walled Sbux Tumbler filled to the rim with ice and topped off with water. Hopefully it'll be my aid in kicking those dreadful heat headaches that are known to occur when temperatures near 100 degrees.
---I'll do anything to get my pupperz to drink, yesterday it was a feat. Fortunately, in the wonderful world of dogs, there are always ice cubes to fall back on. Not only does Finn consider them THE greatest toy, but it gets some liquid in that little, panting mouth.
---This afternoon, when the rays are at their peak, I'll lay out for as long as is bearable. Judging by yesterday afternoon, it won't be much to speak of. It doesn't take long for this head to get dizzy, and stomach woozy before I find myself stumbling back into the less-hot house.
---Tonight, I can be found in the aforementioned stores with a particular focus on browsing the freezer section.

Hope all is well with each of you.
Enjoy this heat but don't overheat ...
...even if it means that you, too, must escape to the freezer section for an hour or two!