Kangaroo, I Envy You.

As a senior in high school it seems everyone in the world wants to know what post-high plans are had, where one will attend college, and in what one will major. Once in college the question is what one plans to do with their degree and how quickly it will be accomplished. When an individual finds them self in what the surrounding population dubs a "serious" dating relationship, it seems everyone and their mother wants to know when a marriage proposal might be taking place. Once married, the question looms, "When babies?"

We live in a rushed society and a pressure-filled world. It can be good, but more often than not I find it frazzling.

Brian and I have survived the high school and college questioning, as well as our most challenging: the baby questioning. But there's a new question. "Are you ready?!!" everyone wants to know.

My answer: I don't know. 

I keep asking God to prepare me and I trust that He will, but that doesn't fix that when I walk into the nursery I'm not sure if I have whatever it is I'm supposed to have. I don't know if I'm ready to bring this baby home. At 37 weeks I know one thing for sure and that is the fact that I am not ready to get this baby out. As much as I sometimes would like to see and touch his/her face, or hold him/her in my arms, or put him/her down for a sec, I'm still not ready to be physically two units, instead of our current one. I like being joined, even when it means I can't walk(or sit, or stand, or cook, or do anything) because our baby is situated ever-so-inconveniently on top of my sciatic nerve. Even when I'm 7/8 of the way done vacuuming the house but I can't finish the last teeny tiny stretch of hallway because I can't move, even then I like that we're together. I cling to our constant togetherness. People tell me that things will change. They say I'll become frantic to get Babe out. Their expressions say so clearly, "Oh hun, just you wait, you've got another thing comin'!" I guess I'm not there yet. Perhaps that's my answer. Maybe I'm not ready.

All the uncertainty has led me to this realization: I'm jealous of kangaroos. I think I want a pouch. I'm excited for this baby to have a place to sleep/roll/kick box...etc. that isn't inside my body. I'm excited to put this little stinker down every now and then. But until God deems it time, I hope to continue to cherish this precious, quiet time. Until "go time" faces me, I envy those kanga mamas. They get to have their little 'roos out...and still pack 'em around "inside" of themselves whenever they so choose. How clever! Talk about the best of both worlds...

Blessed to be Bumpin' It. 36 Weeks.

(Photo taken with my friend, Linds, on my phone at 35.5 weeks.)

I had my 36 week appointment today. We are measuring "normal." (36 centimeters at 36 weeks.) My Dr. wasn't sure whether it was a head or a bum that she was feeling at the bottom of my belly so I was able to have another ultrasound. It had been a long time since our 20 week ultrasound and I was grateful to score another look inside myself. It was confirmed that BamBam is officially head down (good news!) and let me assure you, he/she is still as cute as can be!

In the wardrobe department, my stretchy, low-rise yoga pants aren't even an option anymore. Wearing them is terribly uncomfortable. It makes me feel ill and leaves a big [itchy!] red ridge through the bottom of my baby belly. In order to wear them comfortably, they'd have to be rolled over so many times half of my booty would be uncovered! I had begun to wonder why other girls could wear pre-pregnancy pants throughout their pregnancy, but I couldn't. When my Dr. went to measure my belly, she was shocked at how low our baby's head is inside of me. Seeing her genuine surprise at just how low I am carrying made me feel a lot less crazy (and like there is a reason my pants don't fit!)

All of this to say, my 36 week appointment was a favorite. Not only was I given the gift of a peek inside myself, but my Dr. explained that carrying so low means a lot of pressure down there. (I thought to myself, "Yeah, tell me about it, Lady.") The good news is that apparently all that pressure should be helping to expedite the process...She seems to know what she's talking about, hopefully she's right. :) 

Sometimes I feel like growing a little human is such a crazy business, but on days like today I can't get over how natural it seems to be. Again, God really knows what He's doing. :)

Missing Maddox.

Our nephew Maddox would have been five yesterday. 

Although it seems impossible to separate the grief of missing him from the celebration of his birth and his place in our family, each year we can't help but remember that joyous day when our first baby entered the family. He was so, so sweet. It used to be one of my biggest fears that I'd forget what he looked like but now, five years later, I realize that I will never forget looking into his brand new little face and thinking he was absolutely perfect.

He was only with us for a brief time, but we'll never forget him. Our hearts and prayers will forever be with Daddy Luke and Mama Amy as they live without their firstborn. He'll always be our first babe and we'll always love him. 

We took Sydni, Moses, Kolt, and Millie to the cemetery to celebrate Maddox' birthday. Sydni and Moses were certain that Maddox would like balloons in Heaven, because they like balloons on their birthdays. :) I wish that his birthdays weren't sad. I wish that for even one day I could set aside the fact that there is a void in our family and just get to celebrate him with a happy heart. After all, he's in Heaven! But listening to his younger siblings and cousins sing with joyful hearts, smiling faces, and sweet voices "Happy Birthday Maddox!" around his grave only made me miss him more.

Being 35/36 weeks pregnant over the anniversary of Maddox' being born and passing away has given me a new perspective, a deeper sense of the reality of potentially losing a child, and an absolute gratitude for the assurance of eternal life. Alan Jackson's rendition of "Blessed Assurance" has been playing in my head on repeat ever since leaving the cemetery yesterday.

 Little ones, missed.

Crazy Children.

Tonight my siblings had a birthday party to attend which meant we got their kiddos. These little goofs are mighty comfortable at their Papa and Nana's house and the four of them together make for a wild, humorous, loud, and very busy time. Despite living two hours away, I still manage to see them quite often but it's always in the midst of everything else going on. It was a blast to have them all to ourselves with nothing but pizza and playing on the agenda. Before I know it, my own hands will be full and it won't be as simple as it is now to just be Auntie Meg. I'm sure to each of them it was just another fun evening at Papa and Nana's, but it was a special night for this sentimental auntie. 

Hilarious.

Unfortunately I didn't get a picture to prove it, but Millie was big time buddies with Uncle Bri all night.  It was SO cute. Finn hated having to share Brian. The poor little guy has no idea how much we're about to rock his world with a baby... :S

Kolt and Papa playing rough.

Millie intrigued by pictures of herself on Nana's camera.

Sydni being sweet. 

Silly mr. Mose.

Coffee Table Craziness.

Aren't they so funny?!

Blessed to be Bumpin' It. 35 Weeks.

At 35 weeks I am loving the timing of this pregnancy. God really knows what He's doing. Of all times to have a "big business" going on, I love that it's happening now, in the fall. Getting dressed is enjoyable, as long as it involves maternity leggings or my one pair of maternity jeans. (All other items such as pre-pregnancy leggings and pants are very much out of the picture. )

There's a chill in the air, a different scarf around my neck, and a cozy sweater over my baby belly each day, and I love it.

Inspired Indeed.

After attending Ruffles and Rust this spring with two of my aunts and realizing how enchanted it is, I recruited my mom and Tess to join in the fun for the fall market. Ruffles and Rust is a biannual "vintage market to inspire," and inspire it does. The hubs fed us pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes and bacon for breakfast. It was so delicious we almost forgot we needed to get ready and go. When we remembered why we were together we each scurried off down the hall to get dressed. We had to laugh when we realized how perfectly coordinated we were. Before leaving the little people with my Mr. and heading out the door, we paused for this pic.

MamaTess: 32.5 weeks, MamaMeg: 34.5 weeks

I loved this sign. So Meganish! 

My mom assured me that I didn't need to buy it, "Everyone already knows you have more ideas than you know what to do with without having to read it on a sign in your home." she said. :)

Hours later we returned home with our goods.

A quick little display of some of our pretty new things grouped together.

Who doesn't need a sparkly 'A' and a couple of matching wire thingy-muh-bobs?!

We've needed a new end table since The Mr. crashed through my previous one. I knew this one was the winner the moment my eyes spotted it.

 It's taken up residence here and settled right into it's new role holding reading material and my current hand-sewing projects.

I keep photos of BamBam nearby. 

My little projects are powered by big inspiration.

 We love our wood-burning fireplace but without a poker it just wasn't as much fun. I was thrilled to at last have found an affordable set of tools that was not new and shiny...and came with a poker!

(It's the little things, people. :)

Until I scored this sweet dresser, I had not one drawer in the nursery. It was about to be a problem. Now however, the problem has been solved. It's quite cute, I'd say.

CA for Rob & Carrie's Wedding

Our time in CA was full and fun.

A few highlights...

Brian enjoyed a Dodger's game in the company of his dad and brother. We had countless meals and a couple of coffee dates with friends and family. We went to the guys' softball game, ate froyo, and hung out in the pool with Brian's mom. Brian's mom and I got our nails done and Brian and his dad rode bike. Oh, and I watched my first presidential debate! I've always avoided things of the sort in the past and I hesitate to admit how interested I found myself, once I began listening. (I don't normally fancy politics.) We spent a lot of time with family. I was able to meet quite a few family members that live elsewhere but, like us, had traveled to SoCal for Brian's brother's wedding.

Catching up with dear college friends, Lorah and Rach.

(I missed the braided brown skinny belt memo.)

We spent an afternoon in Laguna Beach with Brian's parents. 

Being there always brings me back to our dating days, although this particular trip was a bit less freeing thanks to my "inner heater" and my bladder's seemingly constant need to find a restroom.

Brian and his grandparents, happy to be together. :)

We ate jambalaya at Lucille's, which we require of ourselves each time we visit. LOVE that place.

 Brian's sister, Tracie, and [Bro-in-law]Robert after breakfast at Flo's.
Breakfast at Flo's is one of Brian's must-do's each time we visit.

The wedding ceremony was outside surrounded by Temecula vineyards and wineries. Beautiful!

 Cousins!

Brian on the dance floor never fails to be entertaining.

Happy to be 33.5 weeks along and still feeling pretty great...but really sick of hearing how big my belly is. Our time in CA brought about a new countdown of half weeks.

Thankful.

 [Bride]Carrie and I

[Groom]Rob and Brian

Congratulations Rob and Carrie!!! We love you guys!

[more]Blessings for BamBam

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Central California and though it felt like summer it was the 1st of October and we were ready to celebrate life. My sis-in-law, Tracie, with the help of my MIL, hosted a shower for BamBam and I. The colors were beautiful and the invitations were adorable. :)

We played a couple of baby name games followed by a Mexican-themed lunch of carne asada in tortilla bowls with salsa and guac and, of course, cheesecake with strawberries for dessert. It was really, really yum.

And then there were gifts.

A beautiful handmade card.

I remain very excited about (and impressed by) this homemade diaper bag...

Favorite books.

 Leave it to BekahDear to remember "Big Brother Finn." :)

A super cute, soft owl pillow!

I don't think she realized it, but one of Brian's Grandmas came wearing BamBam's nursery turquoise!

Brian's sister, Julie, was unable to attend, yet she baked these little ducky cake pops and shipped them from Michigan for us to enjoy! We missed you, Julie!

My college friend, BekahDear, traveled to my shower and picked me up from the airport. It was fabulous seeing her. BekahDear, I loved our last [pre-Babe] sleepover. (Thanks for dealing with all my middle-of-the-night Tums chewing!) Miss you!

Thank you, Ladies, for this special day! It was scrumptious, entertaining, and sentimental. Thank you for bringing everyone together to celebrate our little love and for making it so much fun. 

BamBam and I were given everything from Huggies, to handmade closet [size] organizers, to Dr. Browns bottles, to "Icky Bags." I am thrilled to get all of our cool new stuff unpacked and 'moved in' to the nursery! Yet again, we have been blessed and we are thankful.